Have This Heart to Break
by Liz Night
Summary: Castiel is hiding from all those he knows in the world. He travels by bus through the cities and countryside of the United States, never pausing. A girl and the boy who travels with her make an impression on him through a song. Billy Joel's And so it Goes.


Ever since I was introduced to him, I've loved Billy Joel's music. I'll stop before I go off into a musical geek's tangent. Anyway, I found an old CD in the car when I got sick of the radio. And I found this amazing song that set my shipper heart tearing up. And then Goodbye Stranger aired. Needless to say, since I drive an hour and a half every day, I spent a good portion of it listening to that CD (even though it was scratched to death!) and developing this story. I apologize for any mistakes made as it is unbetaed! I don't own the show or the song!

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Have This Heart to Break.

(Music: "And so it Goes" by Billy Joel.)

Castiel feigned sleep as the new passengers got on the bus. He heard several loud voices and assumed that most of the new group were young humans. He curled closer to the window, the bag with the tablet inside of it hidden between the side of the bus and his body.

The seats around him filled and the hair on the back of his neck stood on end, adrenaline beginning to pump through his veins. Being free from Naomi's control had made him feel more than he ever had. Even when he had been falling years before, Castiel had never felt more _human._

"Hey, Ani," he heard a young male whisper. "What do you think: hobo or federal agent?"

"Leave him be, Connor," a girl spoke louder. "He's all alone."

The boy snorted and they were quiet. He made sure to breathe and twitch every few moments like he had seen Dean do in his sleep.

The driver started the bus and they left the station. The passengers began to quieten down as most of them settled to sleep for the next several hours of the drive. When all was quiet, but the murmur of music from several music players, Castiel opened his eyes and sat up. Like he had thought, most of the humans were asleep. He glanced around him and found the two young people that had been talking about him. The girl slept on the boy's shoulder, hair curtaining her face. He slept beside her, head tilted back. A battered guitar case was tilted against the window beside him and two backpacks sat at their feet.

Castiel watched both the scenery around them (Which had been the same for several days. Many of the mid-western states had the same appearance along the main highways.) and the humans on the bus. He didn't know if there might be a demon or angel among any of them. Crowley and Naomi would send their people after him eventually.

A deep breath and the chafe of cloth rubbing made him turn his head. The girl was sitting up, back arched. She turned her head to either side, cracking the joints. She sat back and looked around. He looked down when she looked to him.

"Hello," he looked up to see her smiling. "I'm Anisa."

"Castiel," he said quietly.

"Cool name," she said softly. "Where are you headed?"

"Nowhere," he said, evading the question.

"Oh," she said, knowingly. "I've been there. Be careful, though. Sooner or later, whatever you're running from will catch up with you."

"I'm not running from anything."

She shrugged. "It's cool. I'm sorry if I overstepped the boundaries."

"What is your destination?" he asked, trying to change the topic. Dean had always said that that was one human quality that he had never been able to pick up.

"Headed back home," Anisa replied, obliging him. "Connor and I wanted to travel this summer. We've both got to go back to college now."

"How long have the two of you been a couple?"

Anisa blinked, face blank. "What?" Her eyes grew suddenly and her mouth dropped open. "You think?! Oh, dear God, no! Connor's my cousin!"

"I apologize," he replied, hand falling to rest on the bag hidden from her sight. "I had not known."

She relaxed back in her seat, head tilted to look at him. "It's okay. We've actually had to act like a couple a few times this summer. Creepy, but effective to keep away unwanted attention."

They spoke for the next several hours, almost uninterrupted. Her cousin slept on, unaware that she was awake and talking to a stranger. Finally, when the bus stopped at a rest stop, Anisa woke him. He grunted and sat up. "What?"

"Rest stop," she replied.

He groaned as he sat up, bones cracking. He left the bus, muttering about the ticket straight home. Castiel and Anisa followed him off.

Castiel went into the bathroom and made his vessel relieve himself, even though he had not drunken anything for several months. It was best to keep up appearances, Dean had once told him.

He left the room, wiping his hands on a paper towel. Connor and Anisa sat against the wall in front of the bus. The boy had his guitar out, case open on the ground in front of them. He strummed a few cords as a group of fellow passengers gathered around them.

"In every heart there is a room," Connor began to sing as he played a light tune. His cousin joined him a few lines into the song. Their voices were soft and melancholy, blending well. They could not compare to the choirs in Heaven, Castiel thought, but they were good for humans. Instead of looking at each other, they looked out at each person in the crowd, pulling them in further.

The song began to slow and Anisa sang the last few lines, "And you can have this heart to break. And so it goes, and so it goes, and you're the only one who knows."

The crowd clapped around them, dropping money into the case as drivers began to call that they were leaving soon. The two cousins' and Castiel's were among them. The young adults quickly gathered the money and shut the guitar away, speaking of long practice.

"Hey, Castiel," Anisa said as they all walked back to the bus. "Ready for another exciting ride through this thrilling landscape?"

Castiel tilted his head, eyes narrowing, and she giggled.

"I was kidding, dearie," she said, touching his elbow. "It was a joke."

"Oh," he said as he sat down. "Although it is not the most visually stimulating setting it has its own beauty."

"I know," she nodded. "We visited a museum a few weeks back and there were these beautiful paintings and pictures of the countryside."

Connor took out a phone and looked down at it, fingers tapping the screen. Anisa sat beside him, looking ahead with a genial smile upon her lips.

"What was the song that you were singing?" Castiel asked. He'd heard the lyrics but did not quite understand them.

"Out there?" she asked, pointing with her thumb as the bus began to move. "'And so it Goes' by Billy Joel."

Castiel nodded. "I've never heard his music before, but it was lovely."

"You've never heard Billy Joel before?!"

Castiel and Anisa looked at Connor. The boy stared at the man, phone held loosely in his hand. "No," Castiel admitted, shaking his head.

"How can you have not heard of Billy Joel before? He's a—"

"Shut up, Connor," Anisa said, turning his head back down to his phone. He swept up at her arm with his hand, knocking her away, but looked down anyways. "What kind of music do you listen to, Castiel?"

"I've heard a lot of classical," he said, remembering the several decades that he had watched humankind from afar. Before he had been disillusioned by their violence. "And a friend has shown me a lot of classic rock."

She grinned. "That's some variety."

He smiled and looked down, fingers tracing over the tablet once more. He could almost feel some of the etchings through the fabric of the bag. "If you wouldn't mind, could you explain the song that the two of you were singing?"

"Sure," Anisa shrugged. "Of course, it depends on the person who's doing the interpreting, so bear that in mind.

"I think it's about a forbidden love," she said, smiling out the window. Connor glanced up at her with concern and nudged her arm. She looked at him and nodded slightly. "He thinks it's ending and, though it hurts him, he can't help but to stay with the person because he loves them so much. It's not his first love to end, so he recognizes the signs, but he can't stop."

Castiel nodded. "You've felt like this before?"

Anisa laughed, the sound a little too forced. "Yeah. There was this…guy back home. I was crazy about him. Thought he was my world. But then it ended and I was left to pick up the pieces."

"Did you ever get over it?" he asked. For some reason, his chest seemed to ache and Castiel felt what he thought was sympathy.

She folded her hands together in her lap and glanced at him. "I think so. There are some days that are harder than others, where I miss him and the intimacy we had. But then I remember what's happened since and how much more I like myself. My friends and family helped a lot. They got me through when I felt like giving up. And look at me now! When I get home, I've got someone waiting for me who wants to be with me, friend or more, it doesn't matter."

Castiel nodded and looked out the window.

"So, what about you?" she asked. "Is there a special someone out there that you would rather be with than on a funky bus?"

He looked back. "Why would you think that?"

"You got a look on your face when you spoke about your friend," she replied. "It's the same one that I had when I was with that guy and similar to the one I have now when I think of my friend back home."

"Yes," Castiel admitted. "There is someone. But I wronged them."

"You're their friend, right?" she asked.

"Yes," he nodded.

"Well, there you go! Castiel, if they're that important to you, then you must be to them as well," Anisa said.

Castiel hummed as he nodded again. Two lines from the song haunted the edges of his grace. _So I would choose to be with you. That's if the choice were mine to make. _He looked down at his hand, the very one that had left its mark on Dean's soul when he had released him from hell.

He glanced up to find that more time had passed then he had thought. Anisa had fallen asleep on Connor's shoulder once more. The sun had set and the waning moon had begun its ascent in the night sky. He patiently rode for the rest of the night.

Shortly before dawn, the bus stopped at a gas station. As the driver stepped out, Castiel quietly stood, holding the bag close to his body. As he passed, Anisa stirred and opened her eyes.

"You're leaving?" she asked, sleepily.

"Yes," he answered. "I must do something before I go back."

She smiled, eyes falling shut once more. "Make sure you tell him how you feel."

Castiel considered asking how she knew so much about him, but she had already fallen back asleep. He left the bus before the driver could return and walked through the woods that had been steadily growing on the side of the road as they neared the mountains. He walked for most of the day before he found a cave. At the very back, he placed the tablet and sealed the mouth of the cave with all manner of sigils. Even he would not be able to find it if he were to look again.

His work finished, Castiel walked away. He kept walking even when the sun sank beneath the horizon and the sky seemed at its darkest. The stars shown down, unhindered by the glow of streetlights. When he reached a small town, he let himself go to Dean and the hideout his brother and him had been residing in.

Dean was sprawled across his bed, sheet tangled between his legs. His eyes flicked beneath his eyelids. Not a nightmare, but a dream nonetheless. He inhaled deeply and opened his eyes, looking straight at the angel.

"Hello, Dean."

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You should feel sorry for my straight guy friend who puts up with my random tangents (such as this) when we talk. Especially since he's not really into Supernatural. Anisa and Connor are meant to be completely human and just people who unknowingly touch a world they will never really see. She's not a self-insertion. She's my hope. Don't forget to comment!


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